Archive for the ‘questions’ Category

We are shrinking the world by making sure that all the blanks are filled up, too soon, too fast. And our kids grow up thinking they are perfect, living in a perfect world where there is nothing like getting hurt or failing. And more than that we want them to be oh-just-so-perfect.

This Sunday morning I was seething when rage when I read about finishing schools in the city for five-year-olds. Apparently even parents of three-year-olds call up these finishing schools to train their kids. And the schools will teach the kids all about Ps and Qs along with where a spoon should be kept and how to execute the right handshake. Really???? Do our kids need such schools?

I am not sitting on a pedestal and judging these parents. I have my own failures to look at. I am half the time guilty for not teaching my child all about good manners, proper etiquettes and all that lies in between. The MLS knows she can’t butt in when two people speak and has to say ‘excuse me’ if she needs to be heard, often uses thank you and sorry generously, and would greet some people at a slight nudge. But that’s about it. I have miles to go before I can claim proudly about my child’s behaviour.

Having said that I would never go to the extent of sending her to a finishing school and bring out a readymade product set to behave like a robot. I would rather have her spill her milk, use a spoon instead of fork than let her be taught by a stranger about what should be used when. We are great believers of outsourcing but, hey, since when did parenting also go the same way. Okay, we can rent wombs, decide the date and way of delivering the child. And now even let others teach our kids how to behave properly. So what would a parents’ role be in the modern set up? Attend PTA meetings???

I wish we did some of the work ourselves. Least of all parenting shouldn’t be left for others to be taken care of. Don’t we owe them this the least?


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Parenting perils

There is all this brouhaha over parenting. There is this school of thought that says spare the rod and spoil the child. Then there are a set of parents who believe that saying ‘no’ to a child is not the right approach to parenting. As far as I am concerned, I don’t go by any rulebook. Though there are certain things which I often would like to do without giving any heed whatsoever to the rulebook.

I have my days when MLS is given a tight spank on the bum or even a slap on cheek. Though I regret it later, in the heat of the moment, I lose all my control. The instances which make me mad and lose all patience is when she refuses to get ready on time even as her school bus is about to reach doorstep or when she refuses a meal even as I am hurrying to get her ready and head to office.

Now, I know yelling or spanking a child is not the right way to get things done. But from where do you bring patience when your life is a roller-coaster ride all along. Most working moms would agree that time is a crucial factor them. For that matter even SAHMs too have their strict schedules. In this age of instant gratification and a marathon race, where does one find the patience to sit with a child when he or she is throwing a tantrum? My MIL has a favourite saying, “Parenting is a book and each stage is a chapter. The problems with kids would always remain, it’ just a new chapter with every stage.” Yeah, I know. When she was an infant I longed for her to be a toddler so that all those feeding and nappy changing could come to an end. Now that she is a toddler, I long for her to be a bit more mature so that she values time.

God, it’s a never ending saga. But for all this cribbing, when my lil MLS comes and rubs her nose on my cheeks and plants a kiss, I know I am blessed. All my hardships just melt away in the twinkle of her eyes.

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…a mother of two is the question here. It has been an ongoing confusion since the day I decided to bring the fruit of my womb into this world.

First I was told how important it is to get married, then I was pressured into having the baby at the ‘right’ age and now all that the elders in the family can talk of is how important is a sibling for my Miss Little Sunshine.

It comes as no surprise that she adores kids, especially those younger to her. She wants to mother them— feed them, take care of them and play with them. This is shown as an example to me over the need for having a second child. It tears me down when people tell me how single children could be selfish, arrogant and grow up to be self-centered individuals.

With a job that keeps me busy and a house to run, would it be justifiable to bring a child to the world just for the sake of ‘two child’ concept? I really don’t know.

Does it make sense to have a second child only because you want to give your child a sibling?

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Showcase babies

Today morning, while hurriedly getting ready for work, I got a telephone call. The conversation that follows

Lady: Hello, do you have any child below the age of 3?

Me: Yes

Lady: I am calling from XYZ playschool We are having a baby show so please give me the details of your child.

Me: Well, I am not interested in sending my child to any show.

Lady: Why? This is such a ‘grateful’ show where babies can take part.
Me: I didn’t say it is any kind of ungrateful event. I don’t want to send my two-year-old child for any competition.

Lady: Why? Two year old is a big child. We have even 6 month old kids participating.

By then I had lost all my patience. I guess the lady didn’t get my point.

Me: Well, to begin with, I don’t necessarily agree with what you believe in. I don’t see any point in sending my two-year-old to a competition when in a few years time she would be competing for the rest of her life. Also, I don’t agree with the values of your school.

Lady: OK.

I was furious. This a well-advertised playschool whose director doles out parenting tips in newspapers/magazines and the radio. I was wondering what does the six month old infant, who is still struggling to sit without any support, do in a baby show? Does pushing your child to be the centre of attraction at such a young age a great idea? Miss Little Sunshine would be joining a playschool next month and may be taking part in many such activities. But then that would be part of a schooling process, where she would be doing, a gamut of other activities. But a show for babies, just to advertise your playschool further, is just so uncalled for in my opinion. What do you think?

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Let’s take the campaign forward. I am a proud member of the A Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women and would like all of you, male or female, alcoholics or teetotalers, to visit a pub on Valentine’s Day and raise a toast to our freedom of choice. At the cost of being repetitive, let me say, it is not about going to a pub but about asserting our rights. No one and his grandfather in this world has the right to tell me or any women what to do, especially in matters of tradition.
Alright people, to take the pink chaddi campaign forward, here’s some more info:
In Delhi, send your pink chaddis (buy, borrow or steal) to:
Nisha Susan
C/o Tehelka
M76, M-Block Market
Greater Kailash 2
Last date for collection in Delhi is 11th Feb

In Bangalore:
The Pink Chaddi Campaign,
C/O Alternate Law Forum,
122/4 Infantry Road (opposite Infantry Wedding House)
Bangalore 560001

Contact persons:
Nithin (9886081269)
Divya (9845535406)
Nisha (9811893733)

Make a noise and let them have the chaddis to remind them of their frivolous pursuits.
Read more about it

  • http://thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com/
  • One of the ram Sena guys on hearing about this campaign commented as to “what families these women belong to”. I wonder what families these men belong to who don’t know that if they were to go by their tradition then women are to be worshipped like ‘devis’ and not to be thrashed around.

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    Freedom of Speech

    My fellow bloggers, please tell me what is blogging all about?

    Where to draw a line when criticizing someone? Do I have a right to my opinion. I am flabbergasted. A fellow blogger had to withdraw his post on “Shoddy Journalism” coz he dared to defame NDTV and Barkha. NDTV asked him to render a public apology on his post, which he has done, and he has also removed his post against Barkha. How can they sue him? What about his rights?

    Please check about it here: ckunte

    A related post: Elekhni

    Also, I urge popular bloggers to put it on their blogs and let’s start a movement. Going by this, we would not be allowed to air our views.

    I believe Barkha should check the Facebook group against her which has thousands of members. Being a journalist myself, I respect my profession and the ethics that we follow while reporting a story.

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    Where are our leaders?


    I am taking this logo posted by several other fellow bloggers to talk about the state of politics in our land. Will we ever have an Obama-moment in our country?

    We take pride in our democracy. It’s quite a different matter that half the town won’t bother much about Republic day or Independence Day. They won’t wish anyone on these days and cellular networks are not jammed. Then we have politicians like Shibu Soren, Narendra Modi, Raj Thackeray, Mayawati, Jayalalitha, Amar Singh, and many more who have done more harm to the country than provide us with good governance.

    Is it so difficult to be honest while occupying the top posts? Why are all politicians looked in a bad light and we rarely have any names to recollect while taking pride in our vibrant nation. Politics is the easiest route for any goonda to find a prospering career. It is a career that has been fledged by goons, crooks and their middlemen. Does it make any difference to me if a Modi of the Godhra fame becomes a PM instead of Mayawati of the Taj corridor fame? Does it make any change in the state of affairs?

    I know I am being cynical and it is very easy to say that be the change you want to change. In behest, let me ask all my fellow bloggers to stop voting for criminals, even if they portray Gandhigiri in reel life. How much Gandhisim they show in real life is quite evident when they make regressive statements.

    Then we have our self-appointed moral guards who have taken it upon themselves to maintain the tradition of the society. That it’s a different matter that a jeans and top cover more of your body than a midriff baring and cleavage showing saree-attire. But then these hooligans think that wearing a saree and sipping coconut water is my claim to being a true India.

    I hope some day, one day, we will have an honest leader who will bring the change that we all want to see but so afraid to be.

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