Posts Tagged ‘kids’

Today, I met a friend for lunch. This is a guy who has been married for about 10 years now and has a seven year old son. I knew he was having an unhappy married life. He started discussing his marriage during the course of our conversation.

He feels that he cannot coexist with his wife anymore. He thinks his wife needs counseling. “She has become a nagging wife and behaves foolishly,” he says.

Theirs was a love marriage. I asked him where you not aware of you wife’s habits when you were dating each other. He tells me lot of things change when you start sharing a bed under the same roof. Now they have zilch physical and mental intimacy. He says he sees very few happily married couples. Most of them are happy to be unhappily married and looks for avenues outside marriage to keep themselves busy. He is extremely busy with his work and whatever time is left is devoted to the son.

Why is the institution of marriage crumbling? How our parents were happily married and stayed together till their last breath? He tells me they used to compromise a lot. Now we don’t want to compromise. “We compromise everywhere right from our bosses to colleagues and the last place I want to end up compromising is my home,” he says. I am left speechless.

Well, why is compromise such a negative word? Isn’t it supposed to help us live our lives in a better way? By compromising a bit, I share a seat with my fellow passenger in the metro train. Agreed, both of us are uneasy and not in the best of comfortable seating but its better than standing an hour in an over-crowded metro. So, isn’t compromise a better choice than having to suffer?

Why do people forget that gray is better shade than black or white. This is a shade that allows us lot of liberty. We can always look for an in-between solution for our problems. In the same way marriages are not either happy marriages or unhappy marriages. It can be a marriage which has its shares of ups, downs, joy, fights, laughter, arguments, sorrow, adjustments and compromise.

This friend’s son has started figuring out the mounting tension between his parents. But they will not separate as they do not want their son to have a troubled time trying to divide time with both of them. So will the kid be happy seeing his parents being unhappy for the sake of his happiness. Does parenting tell us that being together is the key to good upbringing of kids?

My friend, please wake up and smell the coffee!!!


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