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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

The week that was…

To say that the past weekend was a roller-coaster ride would be an understatement. We had two weddings to attend, an outstation trip and a deadline not to be missed. To top it, our Miss Little Sunshine was not in the pink of her health.

The week started with me struggling to stick to my deadline, on Wednesday we were to attend the tilak ceremony of a friend. The partying went on till the wee hours of morning only to return next day to office all groggy eyed. Then Thursday was the wedding and thankfully I had managed to stick to my deadline. Since two very close friends were getting married we were supposed to be with them since the word ‘go’.

So we were at the marriage venue for good 12 hours, yes, you read it right. The groom sat on for sehrabandi at around 6 pm on Thursday and on Friday 6am morning the doli finally left for the groom’s place. A bunch of friends, to toddlers, a farmhouse and the season’s coldest day. Poor MLS and the kid had to sleep in the open amidst layers of blankets toppled on them. Between cups of sugary syrup called coffee and angeethi, we cracked jokes and saw how the dulha and dulhan were enduring all this while decked in the shaadi attire.

MLS, sure had fun. She never left the dance floor, grooved with all the hunks and even found a partner. She plonked a kiss on his cheek and in fact, got herself clicked with cute lil boy. The naughty girl is already on a roll.

Then Friday afternoon we reach home and start packing to go to Ahmedabad. Yes, my cousin was getting married on Sunday. The overnight train journey left husb and I running after MLS who was quickly making friends in other berths. Saturday morning we reach an over-crowded house were we barely get any rest. Post Sunday marriage, we have a train to catch at 6pm and we are back in Delhi on Monday morning.

Tired limbs, aching head, cramps, bodyache and an equally tired MLS who slept for 10 hours at a stretch on reaching home.

What a week, it was (phew!!!)

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Marriage: Surviving, did you say?

Yeah, that’s what many say.

A colleague of mine recently asked: “Is marriage worth it?” This 28-year-old woman is “beyond marriageable age” by our societal standards. She faces the pressure of getting married from all quarters. Though she does want to get married but “where are the good men?” is her common refrain.

 Well I gave her my two cents regarding marriage. Yes marriage is not anymore about digging into a blueberry cheesecake at Big Chill’s and shopping at Anokhi. Marriage is no longer about long drives on NH 8 or landing at a multiplex every Friday. Marriage is also not about gifting ipods, coll cell phones or hitting the latest discs. These do not go amiss when you get married but they do take a backseat as more pressing issues introduces itself to you.

 

1.   Bills, bills, and more bills. They become important once you are married. You have to curtail them, keep a track of your expenses and ensure that the late fee is no longer cut.

2.   Maid and household chores. Managing your home is fun but not the haggling with the maid over an unclean utensil.

3.   Relatives. They suddenly resurface and expect you to pay heed to social obligations with outmost sincerity.

4.   Off days mean you spend time with the family.

5.   Girlie nights and trips is a luxury that you yearn for.

 So, I told this colleague how relationships change once you get married. According to me marriage is a beautiful relationship which brings forth all aspect of your personality. It allows you to identify your potential. The boat may rock but marriage is surely rocking!

 

As Paul Tournier rightly put it, “That is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life.”

 

 

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Today, I met a friend for lunch. This is a guy who has been married for about 10 years now and has a seven year old son. I knew he was having an unhappy married life. He started discussing his marriage during the course of our conversation.

He feels that he cannot coexist with his wife anymore. He thinks his wife needs counseling. “She has become a nagging wife and behaves foolishly,” he says.

Theirs was a love marriage. I asked him where you not aware of you wife’s habits when you were dating each other. He tells me lot of things change when you start sharing a bed under the same roof. Now they have zilch physical and mental intimacy. He says he sees very few happily married couples. Most of them are happy to be unhappily married and looks for avenues outside marriage to keep themselves busy. He is extremely busy with his work and whatever time is left is devoted to the son.

Why is the institution of marriage crumbling? How our parents were happily married and stayed together till their last breath? He tells me they used to compromise a lot. Now we don’t want to compromise. “We compromise everywhere right from our bosses to colleagues and the last place I want to end up compromising is my home,” he says. I am left speechless.

Well, why is compromise such a negative word? Isn’t it supposed to help us live our lives in a better way? By compromising a bit, I share a seat with my fellow passenger in the metro train. Agreed, both of us are uneasy and not in the best of comfortable seating but its better than standing an hour in an over-crowded metro. So, isn’t compromise a better choice than having to suffer?

Why do people forget that gray is better shade than black or white. This is a shade that allows us lot of liberty. We can always look for an in-between solution for our problems. In the same way marriages are not either happy marriages or unhappy marriages. It can be a marriage which has its shares of ups, downs, joy, fights, laughter, arguments, sorrow, adjustments and compromise.

This friend’s son has started figuring out the mounting tension between his parents. But they will not separate as they do not want their son to have a troubled time trying to divide time with both of them. So will the kid be happy seeing his parents being unhappy for the sake of his happiness. Does parenting tell us that being together is the key to good upbringing of kids?

My friend, please wake up and smell the coffee!!!

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